HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO! ALRIGHT!

I'm not sure if there's a cosmic force or a divine entity that determines fate.  Let's say you're driving down the road and you don't normally stop at Starbucks but you have this inkling for a grande mocha latte.  Something inside of you is screaming "STOP AND GET SOME OVERPRICED COFFEE!"  And you do.  You park your car in the parking lot and go inside (because this particular Starbucks doesn't have a drive-thru).  As you walk up to the glass door, you twirl your keys around your finger.  Today hasn't been a particularly good day, but it hasn't been bad.  The hipster-indie contemporary rock fills your earholes and the barista greets you as you step inside.  And then there it is.  Your "John Dorian Moment."  It's just her. The room goes dark except for a spotlight on her coming from nowhere. She's moving in slow motion, like a highlight of Adrian Peterson running over William Gay.  Every one else disappears.   There's no wind but her hair is still flowing in the breeze.  She's only there for you.  This is fate.  It's destiny.  At least that's what it feels like.

Maybe that's a bit of an over-exaggeration of what happened to me this morning, but it's close.  I saw last night that a friend of mine on Facebook had gone to see Pink with special guest, The Hives in Columbus.  I love The Hives.  This made me feel nostalgic so this morning I made some coffee and listened to them on Spotify as I poked around Facebook and Twitter.  Then on my timeline I saw a "suggested post" informing me that The Hives will be playing at House of Blues in Cleveland on Sunday as I'm listening to The Hives.  Was it fate? Destiny?  No.  I used my Facebook credentials to create my Spotify account.  Facebook saw I was listening to The Hives and showed on my timeline they were playing in Cleveland.  Otherwise I would never had known about it.  This is an example of advertising on a social media platform done right.  It was an advertisement that I was actually interested in.  It wasn't based off of some algorithmic equation trying to sell me a Pittsburgh Steelers credit card because I update my Facebook status about how much I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers.  The algorithm obviously don't count sentiment into the equation.

Then again, I wouldn't even be listening to The Hives right now if my friend didn't go to that show in Columbus last night.  Maybe it's fate after all.

Make A Splash

I was searching my old flash drive from college, looking for copy examples I may have left over and I came across a video my group made for the charity: water project we worked on during my final semester at The University of Akron.  I wrote and read the script and the video was produced by a video production company whose office was located on campus. 

Tom Hamilton Makes Me Want To Listen To Grass Grow

Tom Hamilton is the voice of the Cleveland Indians.   The way the man calls a home run gives me chills.  It’s not just about the way he calls a game, though.  He tells stories about the past of whoever is up to bat.  It doesn’t matter if the batter is one of the good guys or on the hated Chicago White Sox; he tells divulges details of the batter’s past that reveals the humanity of the batter.  Then it happens.  The crack of the bat emanates from home plate.  The pitcher buries his face in his glove.  He doesn’t want to know what happens.  Paul Konerko hits a three run shot to the Home Run Porch in left field but you would think Johnny Damon scaled the 19 foot wall to rob Konerko of his victory lap.  Hammy can make anything sound interesting, even if it’s just me hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock or sorting through my laundry.  This got me thinking of something.

What if WTAM made a television commercial promoting Tom Hamilton calling the Tribe games (I’m sorry I had to use the Indians terrible tagline to start off this paragraph)?  It’s impossible for me to adequately describe how bad Rick Manning and Matt Underwood are because no matter what I say, I’m still paying them a compliment.  The video for the commercial is simple.  It’s one shot of someone lying in bed.  The audio is Hammy describing the situation.  The script is below.

 (The scene starts with a grown man lying in bed.  The muffled sound of three children and a dog can be heard.)

“Matt had to be up 20 minutes ago to help his wife get the kids ready for school.  He was up late watching television, a decision he, no doubt, regrets now.

 (Sound of alarm clock. Muffled sound of children gets louder.)

The alarm sounds.  He whiffs on his first attempt to hit the snooze button, but hits it after fumbling around searching for the alarm clock.  Matt gets a few more minutes of rest.  He can hear the bustle of his family downstairs getting louder.  The pillow is wrapped around his head.  THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN! CHILDREN ARE PILING INTO THE ROOM SCREAMING THEIR LUNGS OUT! THE FAMILY DOG JUMPS ON THE BED! HE’S BEING PUMMELED BY HIS KIDS WITH PILLOWS! MATT IS AWAKE! MATT IS A-WAAAKE!” 

Tom Hamilton’s future Hall-of-Fame pipes make this spot work.  The events in the spot are meant to be simple.  It’s a relatively uninteresting series of events that may be described to a few family friends or co-workers.  Hamilton’s voice inflections describing the scene as if he was calling an Indians game sells it.  He could make me want to listen to grass grow.

THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.

For a team like the Cleveland Indians, they're having trouble finding their identity on and off the field.  Up until three days ago, they were the leaders in the AL Central division.  Yet, they rank dead last in the MLB in fan attendance.  We've seen the star closer, Chris Perez, and uninspired TV play-by-play caller, Matt Underwood, call out fans for lack of support.

You can have the best product in the world (in this case, the division) but nobody knows if you market the product improperly.

I hate the Indians "What If?" campaign so much that I'm not even going to ask an ironic rhetorical question using the phrase that displays how ineffective the tagline is.  It's an indefinite phrase that can easily be turned to have a negative connotation.  The campaign didn't premiere until after the Indians started the 2011 season 30-15, well on their way downhill.  First of all, the 2012 version of the commercial mainly focuses on the mid-90's Indians team with Kenny Lofton, Omar Vizquel, Jim Thome, and Sandy Almoar.  I get that the nostalgia can trigger a powerful emotional response, but none of these players play for the team anymore.  Sandy Alomar is a base coach for the Tribe, but will likely be leaving in the next few seasons when a lower echelon team decides to make him a manager.  I'm gonna call it, he's going to the Seattle Mariners.  My point is this: Why are you showcasing four players who haven't been an integral part of the team since 1998, two of them currently on other rosters?

Here's my suggestion: 86 the "What If?" campaign.  "What if the Indians made the playoffs last season?"  See what I did there?  Replace it with "THAT. JUST. HAPPENED."  Chris Perez retires the side on 9 pitches. THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.  Travis Hafner hits a walk-off Grand Slam.  THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.  Michael Brantley robs a home run in center field.  THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.  Masterson shuts down Verlander and the Tigers.  THAT. JUST HAPPENED.  Focus on the players that are currently on the Indians roster.  They make unbelievable plays week in and week out which means the ads can be easily updated with new highlights that keep the campaign fresh.  "THAT. JUST. HAPPENED." is a definitive statement.  It focuses on the present and who is on the team today.  "THAT. JUST. HAPPENED." gives the fans something to yell in the stands or at their TVs the next time Santana throws out a would-be base-stealer.  It gives the team and the fans an edge.  Everyone in Cleveland knows they could use it right now.

This Is What I Get For Having An Irish Last Name

If you came to this blog post it's because you're screening me for a job interview.  You can't find me on Facebook and if you can, you got absolutely nothing out of it other than I like wearing band t-shirts proclaiming how Incredibly Handsome an Army of Jasons are (Note: It's a t-shirt promoting my friend's band at the time, The Incredibly Handsome Army of Jasons.  I was supposed to join the band as the drummer so that all three members of the band would be named Jason, but I'm a terrible percussionist).  So now we know how common of a name Jason is.

This brings us to my last name, Kelly.  A quick Google search tells me that there are over 250,000 people in the United States with the last name Kelly.  That's a tad over .0008% of the population.  When you search Google for Jason Kelly you get a tattoo artist, make up artist (who apparently lives within 30 miles of me), an actor who played one of the kids in Mystic River, a hockey player, and a financial adviser who is allegedly a science fiction writer.  I say allegedly because he played off the Y2K scare.  If his book was made into a movie I can only imagine Nicolas Cage having the lead role.  But I digress.  I'm supposed to differentiate myself from the competition of other applicants to the job which I'm also applying for and the dozens of other Jason Kellys in the world which is difficult.  We're all incredibly handsome.

I know this blog post isn't going to sell you on hiring me.  All I'm asking for is an opportunity to interview with you, whether it be in person or on Skype.  

jasongkelly.jk@gmail.com

Finally, if you're a girl I just met and you Googled me before a date then I guess you'll just have to go out on that date with me to get to know me.

I Thought Copywriters Were Supposed To Be Creative

When you work in marketing, you need to come up with ideas for campaigns.  When you need to come up with ideas for campaigns, you can't.  When you can't come up with ideas for campaigns, you look  for inspiration.  When you look for inspiration, you rip off the source material.  Don't rip off the source material.

I was watching a Cleveland Cavaliers "game" last night when I saw a commercial promoting the club, but ripping off of DirecTV's current "When You" campaign (Note: Before you think "game" has unnecessary quotation marks, another pet peeve of mine, you can't really call their performance a game).  I've noticed that this has been happening a lot.  Maybe it's been happening all along and I haven't noticed until recently because my television consumption has gone up tremendously in the past year.  This irks me because there are professionals with commas in their paychecks who are ripping off great copy.  The worst part is, these people are getting away with it.  They're getting away with mediocrity.

I'll link the Cavaliers spot if/when I can find it on YouTube.

I'll Never Make An Obligatory Blog Post Of My Favorite Ads of 2011

Going to a first interview for a job is a lot like going on a first date.  I get dressed up, spend 10 minutes trying to get my hair to look just right, and I get really nervous.  The date usually goes okay.  We spend some time telling each other about ourselves and try to get a feel for each other.  I get asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" which I really have no answer for because I don't know where I see myself in five days.  Then we dive into our favorite things where we see what we have in common.  I babble off my favorite music, movies, television shows, books, etc... which is radically different from what my date likes.  Rob Gordon once said "...That what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the (expletive deleted) truth."


This brings me to my favorite 20 minutes of an interview at an agency: "What are some of your favorite ads?"  Unfortunately, it's mostly about shoes, video games, and alcohol.  But what else is there?  Car insurance?

The Puma FAAS commercial turned into an inside joke between one of my friends and I.  Our conversations devolved into us yelling "SHUT IT!" at each other.  It reminds me of the days when people would greet each other with "WAZZUP!" and there was always that one person who screamed it for a ridiculous amount of time.  That, and the song is really catchy.  

I used to have a negative perception of K-Swiss.  I have a positive perception of Danny McBride.  His character in Eastbound and Down is now the MFCEO of K-Swiss in this NSFW spot.  Sure it's filled with cursing and with it being 5 minutes long isn't really a television ad, but it's my list and now I'll at least look at getting a pair of Tubes when I buy my next pair of training shoes.  Plus, the writer of the spot, Matt Heath at 72andsunny, is apparently a writer of the third season of the show.

Captain Morgan just has this swagger to him.  He's under attack but he's not worried because he has plenty of rum to share with his enemies.  I can only imagine his pick-up line.


Captain Morgan: "ARRRR!  You got a little Captain in ya?"
Woman: "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Captain Morgan: "Ye want some more?"

One of my all-time favorite songs is "Undone" by Weezer.  The song is about a knit-sweater unraveling by pulling on a single piece of string.  The sweater is a metaphor for a relationship that is coming undone by a tiny issue, but that issue was enough to snowball and bring up other things, causing the demise of the couple.  This commercial is a giant metaphor.  Not only is Derek Rose in beastmode, he's doing so against two horsemen (one wearing Magic blue, the other in Celtic green) and three matadors with Heat red and yellow capes, who are representative of Chris Bosh, LeBron James, and Dwayne Wade.  And let's not forget the obvious: he plays for the Bulls and he is the bull, and his last name is Rose, which are normally thrown to the matador.  Perfect spot.

Blake Griffin wants to be in Rage?  In case you don't know, Rage is an ultra-violent post-apocalyptic shooting game similar to that of Mad Max.  Blake Griffin is an up and coming NBA superstar.  The two don't mix.  I think it's great because it's acknowledged in the commercial, breaking down the 4th wall.  There's that and "TIGER JUMP!"  In case you're wondering, he did make it into the game.

One of my first jobs was working as a bagger at a grocery store.  During my training, I had to watch a campy video that wasn't meant to be campy about how to do my job.  It was incredibly boring and I quit that job two months later.  This is the complete opposite.  The Stella Artois Perfect Pour is a campy video that's meant to be campy.  It uses puns to entertain the audience.  The spot also does what it intends to, teaches how to perform the Perfect Pour.  Sure, the brew doesn't taste any different and is a show for the customer, but it's a process that isn't done by any other brewer.


Honorable mentions go to (1) State Farm Casual Wednesday commercial for the "Office Space" reference, though Gary Cole should have asked for the TPS reports, (2) DirecTV's The Truth spot, (3) Allstate's Mayhem, and (4) any T-Mobile commercial with Carly Foulkes.