Tom Hamilton Makes Me Want To Listen To Grass Grow

Tom Hamilton is the voice of the Cleveland Indians.   The way the man calls a home run gives me chills.  It’s not just about the way he calls a game, though.  He tells stories about the past of whoever is up to bat.  It doesn’t matter if the batter is one of the good guys or on the hated Chicago White Sox; he tells divulges details of the batter’s past that reveals the humanity of the batter.  Then it happens.  The crack of the bat emanates from home plate.  The pitcher buries his face in his glove.  He doesn’t want to know what happens.  Paul Konerko hits a three run shot to the Home Run Porch in left field but you would think Johnny Damon scaled the 19 foot wall to rob Konerko of his victory lap.  Hammy can make anything sound interesting, even if it’s just me hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock or sorting through my laundry.  This got me thinking of something.

What if WTAM made a television commercial promoting Tom Hamilton calling the Tribe games (I’m sorry I had to use the Indians terrible tagline to start off this paragraph)?  It’s impossible for me to adequately describe how bad Rick Manning and Matt Underwood are because no matter what I say, I’m still paying them a compliment.  The video for the commercial is simple.  It’s one shot of someone lying in bed.  The audio is Hammy describing the situation.  The script is below.

 (The scene starts with a grown man lying in bed.  The muffled sound of three children and a dog can be heard.)

“Matt had to be up 20 minutes ago to help his wife get the kids ready for school.  He was up late watching television, a decision he, no doubt, regrets now.

 (Sound of alarm clock. Muffled sound of children gets louder.)

The alarm sounds.  He whiffs on his first attempt to hit the snooze button, but hits it after fumbling around searching for the alarm clock.  Matt gets a few more minutes of rest.  He can hear the bustle of his family downstairs getting louder.  The pillow is wrapped around his head.  THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN! CHILDREN ARE PILING INTO THE ROOM SCREAMING THEIR LUNGS OUT! THE FAMILY DOG JUMPS ON THE BED! HE’S BEING PUMMELED BY HIS KIDS WITH PILLOWS! MATT IS AWAKE! MATT IS A-WAAAKE!” 

Tom Hamilton’s future Hall-of-Fame pipes make this spot work.  The events in the spot are meant to be simple.  It’s a relatively uninteresting series of events that may be described to a few family friends or co-workers.  Hamilton’s voice inflections describing the scene as if he was calling an Indians game sells it.  He could make me want to listen to grass grow.